The Stocking
by jonsmom14
Summary: Feel good one shot. A late night conversation between Kirsten and Ryan.


**The Stocking**

The lights on the Christmas tree were glowing in the darkened room. Ryan sat alone on the couch staring at the fireplace. Earlier that afternoon, he had hung his stocking on the mantle and then joined the rest of the Cohens for their annual movie celebration. It was now, in the wee hours of the morning that Ryan took the time to truly absorb the idea that he belonged to something. His smiling face was in the picture with Seth and his parents in a frame on the fireplace mantle. The Christmas card was the first time he'd posed with the rest of the Cohen family.

It was difficult to wrap his mind around the fact that he wasn't listening to his drunken mother fight with her latest boyfriend. The house was quiet and peaceful. Despite all the trouble Marissa had caused the last few days, this was still the best Christmas Ryan could remember.

"It's nice isn't it?" A quiet voice asked from behind him.

Startled, Ryan whipped his head around and saw Kirsten standing in the doorway with her robe on. The older woman smiled gently and came around the couch to sit next to him. Her hand reaching out and holding his seemed almost natural in this safe setting.

"You're up awfully late." Kirsten stated.

"I'm still too wired from the Stallone marathon." Ryan joked softly.

Kirsten smiled. "Sandy does love his Sly," she agreed. She motioned her head towards the stocking with Ryan's name on it. "I'm glad that you decided to join us."

Ryan wasn't sure if she was talking about their Christmas festivities or their lives as a whole, so he remained silent.

"Our lives are very different than they were last year." Kirsten continued. "Everything is so much better now." She turned to look at the teen next to her. "You've made the difference."

"I've been a lot of trouble." Ryan argued softly.

"Life in general is trouble." Kirsten scoffed, "but you being here, being part of this family; that is more wonderful than any problems we might face."

The two blonds sat in silence, just staring at the stockings for a moment before Kirsten spoke again.

"I'm sorry."

Startled, Ryan turned to meet her blue eyes that were so much like his own.

"I wish more than anything that I had not fought you staying here when Sandy brought you home that first night."

Ryan shrugged, uncomfortable with the topic. "It's okay. I understand. You were just protecting your family."

"No, I was being a stuck-up Newpsie." Kirsten disagreed. "I was living in this ivory tower and despite the number of fund raisers I was involved in, I had forgotten that the rest of the world wasn't sipping champaign and eating caviar. Then you walked in and I was faced with the fact that I was a fraud. I was so sure that because I had lived in places that the normal Newpsie wouldn't dream of even looking at, I was somehow better than the rest of them. I wasn't as shallow and vain."

"You're not." Ryan protested. "No one else would have ever considered taking me in like you have."

Kirsten smiled sadly and squeezed his hand. "It took me days of wrestling with myself to decide whether I wanted to be a Newpsie or if I wanted to be the woman that deserved a man like Sandy Cohen and a son like Seth. Even after I brought you home, I tried to send you back to your mother. I'm so sorry for that by the way."

"You saved my life that day at Juvie." Ryan confessed softly. "That guy had already attacked me once."

Kirsten closed her eyes as if in pain, "The mark on your neck."

Ryan shrugged. "I was a newbie, and I wasn't affiliated with a gang. It wasn't in any way your fault. It doesn't matter now. I'm fine – thanks to you."

Tears swam in Kirsten's eyes as she stared into the face of the boy who was now her son. "One of the best days in my life was the day that Dawn walked away."

Seeing Ryan's pained look, she hastened to explain. "I know it was horribly painful for you, and God knows that I hurt for you; but that was the day that I got my second son. Suddenly I was a new mom all over again. I was preparing your room – granted it wasn't a nursery – but it belonged to my new son. I had a wardrobe to buy, just like I did when Seth was born. You can't know what it means to a woman when she brings home a new child. And that's who you are Ryan – you're my child."

Kirsten released Ryan's hand and put her arm around his shoulders. "The only thing that bothered me was the distance we were keeping from each other. I know that it's mostly my fault because of my attitude when you first arrived, and that's why I wanted to apologize to you. Actually, I've wanted to have this talk for several months now. Unfortunately, I was always scared that I would scare you away."

"What changed your mind?" Ryan asked hoarsely. He was having trouble controlling his own emotions.

Kirsten turned her head and her son followed her eyes to see her staring at his stocking. "When we came home today to see your name hanging next to the rest of ours I knew that you were willing to try. I knew that you were starting to accept that you are a member of our family."

Kirsten looked seriously into Ryan's eyes. "I don't want to be your foster mother who you stay with until you're of age. I want to tell everyone you're my son when you get your diploma. I want to be the mother who you call for extra money at college. I want to be who you introduce your future wife to. I want to be the first call you make when you find out you're going to be a father, and I want to be the one your children call 'Grandma'."

Ryan blinked back tears and sniffled, "What about Dawn?"

"Ryan, Dawn will always be important to you. I'm not asking you to forget about her or stop loving her. I just want to have a place in your life too – an important place. I have enough love in my heart for both you and Seth. I'm hoping that you can make room for me as well as Dawn." Kirsten explained.

"How can you say that you love me? You've only known me six months."

Kirsten smiled and tenderly cupped the teen's cheek with her hand. "I loved Seth the first moment that I laid eyes on him and realized that I was his mother. I loved you the moment that you watched Dawn walk away and I recognized that I had a second son. Whether you consider me your mother or not, I will always see you as my son who I love."

A single tear escaped Ryan's eye and slid down the cheek opposite Kirsten's hand. "What happens when I do something wrong and you want to get rid of me? Dawn gave birth to me, but she had no problems walking away."

The tears that had been threatening spilled out of Kirsten's eyes as her heart broke for this abandoned boy. "I don't get rid of my children. You aren't a possession to be neglected when I'm not in the mood. You are my son and I love you. If I could even conceive of leaving you, I would never have asked to be your mother. Face it kid, you're stuck with me. Do you think you can handle that?"

Ryan sniffled and hesitantly smiled. "Yeah – yeah I can handle that."

"Good," Kirsten whispered before pulling his head down and placing a gentle kiss on his temple before leaning her head on his shoulder.

The house was silent and the lights on the Christmas tree leant the room a soft glow as mother and son stared peacefully at the stockings hanging on the mantle.

Finis


End file.
